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10 Votes
15 Comments
12 tips for acting like a true friend
News Type: Other — Seeded on Sat Apr 5, 2008 10:06 AM EDT
Article Source: The Happiness Projectadvertisement
Gretchen Rubin offers 12 tips on how to be a true friend.
And I filed it under *Health* because little is more beneficial than "true, honest to goodness friendships."
I could not have written these better myself. I think there is absolutely nothing she has left out! For more specifics please read the article. In fact, go visit it anyway. This comes from a fascinating site called the Happiness Project!
1. Be supportive when your friend has bad news.
2. Be supportive when your friend has good news.
3. Don't gossip. It's not nice.
4. Keep a secret.
5. Exchange favors.
6. Don't criticize a friend's sweetheart or spouse—and, at the other extreme, don't flirt with a friend's sweetheart or spouse.
7. Be kind to a friend's children.
8. Be friendly to a friend's friends.
9. Show up.
Bonus activities:
10. Remember birthdays.
11. Be nice to their pets.
12. Help a friend think big.
The power of friendship is not to be underestimated. I have had friends who have given me courage; who have been the wind beneath my wings; who love me no matter what. Because of valuable friendships, I was able to quit drinking and embrace a life full of possibilities. This is the power of friendship.
So when I hear terms like "true friend"...i think to myself..."But what other kind are there?" Anything less than a "true friend" is not a friend at all - but perhaps an acquaintance?
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{"commentId":1658539,"authorDomain":"digits"}
Friendships are not to be underestimated. To heal, to be yourself, to feel brave, to feel good...the benefits of positive energy around me are endless.
{"commentId":1658539,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"digits"}
- 4 votes
#1 - Sat Apr 5, 2008 10:09 AM EDT{"commentId":2363358,"authorDomain":"Greyshore"}
Excellent list and will take the time to read the full article. I would like to add one.
A friend is someone who tells them what they NEED to hear, not what they WANT to hear.
It is tough to do, but have found out later they appreciated the honesty.
{"commentId":2363358,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"Greyshore"}
- 1 vote
#2 - Mon Aug 4, 2008 4:23 PM EDT{"commentId":2367001,"authorDomain":"ProgrammerDude"}
A good list! I don't know why, but it made me think of this: from Lake Woebegon...
► If you can start the day without caffeine,
► If you can get going without pep pills,
► If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
► If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
► If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
► If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
► If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, when something goes wrong,
► If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
► If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,
► If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
► If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
► If you can conquer tension without medical help,
► If you can relax without liquor,
► If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
► If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics...
Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.
{"commentId":2367001,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"ProgrammerDude"}
- 6 votes
#3 - Tue Aug 5, 2008 12:50 AM EDT{"commentId":2368106,"authorDomain":"Greyshore"}
Quite the perspective Chris, from a dogs eye view. I feel a little more respectful to Beagle after that.
Seriously though, these unconditional words have a lot of truth. With nothing more in return than to be loved...and a snausage!
Thanks for posting.
{"commentId":2368106,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"Greyshore"}
- 1 vote
{"commentId":2377081,"authorDomain":"digits"}
Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.
I will never be as good as my dog.
A discussion my SO and I were having regarding leaving her outside during the day if I had a job that took me from the house 9 to 5 because he is gone from the house during the day...
Me: "WHY would you leave her outside during the day?"
He: "She'd have her water and she likes it out there."
Me: "I like it out there too but would you leave me outside during the day?
He: "You have arms and can open the door to come in."
Me: "So what if I didn't have arms?"
He: "Why do you always try to humanize her?"
Me: "Why would I want to humanize her?"
He: "You always compare my treatment of her with treatment of a person."
Me: "Cause people seem to think it's okay to treat a dog less than a person."
He: "Oh please. She has it better than I do."
Me: "Well good! It'll take a lot to make up for her post traumatic stress."
He: "Her post traumatic stress? Oh. The fact she stayed outside before we got her?"
Me: "Well yes! She was outside ALL day and ALL night ALL the time! In a 10 x 10 pen!"
He: "Well she has air conditioning and a dry climate and a couch and a bed now."
Me: "Which is precisely why you couldn't leave her outside."
:-)
I don't think animal lovers try to humanize their animals. I think they try to animalize their humans.
{"commentId":2377081,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"digits"}
- 2 votes
{"commentId":2380231,"authorDomain":"ProgrammerDude"}
I don't think animal lovers try to humanize their animals. I think they try to animalize their humans.
Indeed. I, for one, do prefer the company of a good dog more than that of many humans. It's not just the trusting, unconditional love or the furry physicality. It's the mystery of sharing your existence with a sort of alien being.
What does my dog think of me? I provide food and necessary access to the outdoors. I can make it light or dark with a wave of my hand. I dole out pain (the occasional much hated nail-clipping) and pleasure (oh, boy, treats!!!!). I can transport her (much faster than she can run) to magical places like the lake.
We must be like gods to them. We control their lives as if we were.
{"commentId":2380231,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"ProgrammerDude"}
- 4 votes
{"commentId":2372500,"authorDomain":"onlynow99"}
I love the Happiness Project. She's doing a great service and found a great theme for a blog. These are good rules to live by.
Thanks Digits.
{"commentId":2372500,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"onlynow99"}
- 2 votes
#4 - Tue Aug 5, 2008 4:02 PM EDT{"commentId":2377085,"authorDomain":"digits"}
Thank you Angel. I think it's a great theme too. I cannot wait for Gretchen's book to come out!
{"commentId":2377085,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":2377011,"authorDomain":"kokayi"}
I enjoyed reading these tips. However, it brings great sadness to me because my housemate is complete incapable of preforming every single one of them. He's a total narcissist. On the positive side, I'm glad I can truly appreciate others in my life who are not like him and that my happiness is not affected by his unkindness.
{"commentId":2377011,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"kokayi"}
- 2 votes
#5 - Wed Aug 6, 2008 2:17 AM EDT{"commentId":2377137,"authorDomain":"digits"}
Kokayi, You know...
People like your house mate teach me a lot about myself.
If they did not exist [narcissists, for example] how would I know what misery looked like? In this way when I start feeling self-absorbed or self-pitying or upset that the world is not revolving around me I know it is because I am going through a bad time - perhaps sickness or an emotional upset... and this is my clue that I am off my balance and perhaps need to employ a spiritual strategy or even invoke help from my friends.
Whereas if self-absorption was my natural state - like the narcissist - I would already naturally be miserable and thereby have no idea that anything was "off kilter" or wrong.
The only thing worth a @!$%# in this hell-bitten world is helping other people and being of service. Being selfish and trying to gain everything I can for myself is akin to hoarding ice cubes for winter. "Yay! Got an ice cube. Now what the hell am I going to do with it?"
{"commentId":2377137,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"digits"}
- 3 votes
{"commentId":2378065,"authorDomain":"kokayi"}
Digits,
this is my clue that I am off my balance and perhaps need to employ a spiritual strategy or even invoke help from my friends.
Yes! I wholeheartedly agree. My house mate is in a spiritual sense is wonderful teacher. What makes our association difficult is we share many friends and I also consider him to be a friend. When friends ask me why my house mate did or does a something a particular way I have to be mindful not to slander (gossip) him or let them take something I say out of context because it's very easy to interpret his behavior as extremely selfish and self-absorbed, he is However, I try to help them understand that being a narcissist he has doesn't have the same capacity of empathy most of us have. His world is mired in extreme jealous and paranoia. When issues arise I can be compassionate yet firm with him to make sure matters are resolved fairly.
My house mate has taught me to NOT to expect others to have the same levels of empathy and kindness that I do.
{"commentId":2378065,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"kokayi"}
- 3 votes
{"commentId":2379926,"authorDomain":"onlynow99"}
I try to consider all the people I come into contact with as teachers in some way. Trying to live with anyone--partner, roommate, child, etc--is always a challenge!
{"commentId":2379926,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"onlynow99"}
- 2 votes
{"commentId":2383100,"authorDomain":"kokayi"}
Angel_C,
You're such a wise soul. Thank-you for your wonderful and insightful advice.Thanks digits seeding these tips. It gave me much need opportunity to reflect on my situation and stop trying to push away from it.
{"commentId":2383100,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"kokayi"}
- 1 vote
{"commentId":2385317,"authorDomain":"digits"}
Koyaki - Yes, Angel *is* a wise soul. Just like you. :)
I think it takes a special person to remain mindful to not gossip.
Like Angel and the "thinking of them as teachers" I agree. These people are my zen masters.
And who knows what we may inadvertantly teach them also!
{"commentId":2385317,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"digits"}
- 2 votes
{"commentId":2388359,"authorDomain":"kokayi"}
Digits,
You're very kind. Thank-you. Here's a one of my favorite quotes.
"With unfailing kindness, your life always presents what you need to learn.
Whether you stay home or work in an office or whatever the next teacher is
going to pop right up. --CHARLOTTE JOKO BECK"
What deeply enjoy about Newsvine is that it's such an affirming space for me.
{"commentId":2388359,"threadId":"245540","contentId":"1412467","authorDomain":"kokayi"}
- 2 votes
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