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PrintRumors, Gossip, and the Truth
News Type: Other — Fri Feb 15, 2008 10:55 AM EST
More in-depth look at this and other things we learned growing up in my article, "Words can Harm. Words can Heal."
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Recently I had the honor of reading Ron C. Baker Sr's Rumors: The Ugly Side of Small Towns and Smaller Minds, in which he details his unfortunate and ugly experience of being a victim of a vicious rumor in his small town.
I wrote a series a while ago entitled "Words can Harm. Words can Heal." and in part 5, I address Gossip from a multi-dimensional angle and I encourage everyone who is the victim of Gossip to read it. I think it is very practical, beneficial, and most of all, it's based on my own painful experiences and healing from those experiences.
I am a recovering alcoholic, codependent, self-loather, and eating-disordered. This means that I was often at the whim of low self-esteem. I did not really have a "safe place" at home - because my home life was often in non-specific turmoil and my school life, being my social outlet of safety, was turned upside down due to a rumor.
It was an ugly rumor; One of the ugliest I'd ever heard and it was about me. The point of the rumor is not really that it was untrue, because what if it had been true? Much like the rumor about Mr. Baker, it matters very little that he really does not have AIDS - because what if he had? Would it then be excusable for the people with the small minds to continue with his violation? With lack of kindness and compassion? If the rumor of me had been true, would then it be morally okay that people continue to gossip and participate in the rumor?
In the words of the Master shaken up a little..." Why not remove the plank from your own eye before attempting to try to discuss the grain of sand in someone else's eye?"
I like to think of the term "character assassination" when I think of rumors and gossip. It's easy to murder someone's character who is not around to defend themselves isn't it? It always tells me more about the person speaking than about the object of the rumor.
Gossip and rumors can be true. At the heart, it matters little whether it's true or not. We're all human and entitled to mistakes, lapses in judgement, self-deprecating errors, and yes, even getting sick with HIV. But it's not your truth to tell. It's just not. And if you can't understand why it's not your truth to tell then I would know straight away that you're so scared of your own truth, so scared that someone is going to notice your humanity, that you point the finger at others to detract from you.
So be careful what you say about another person.
The universe is a perfect equalizer and it matters not if you don't believe this. The universe will know your fear as you gossip. The universe will know your fear as you spread a vicious rumor. The universe will know your fear as you even try to dress it up as *concern.* The universe will not care whether you are speaking of the other person's truth as opposed to a lie. It will not care because as far as you and karma is concerned, it it all about you; Your motives, your attention, your intention, your fears, your truth.
Karma doesn't care whether the rumor is true.
So when you try to dress up your gossip and okie-doke it's viability and necessity with "it's true so I can say it" ~ I can only hope that you remember this article when your truth that you'd have preferred to not be the subject of public fodder comes back upon your own doorstep.
Then perhaps you can begin your path to healing as well.
Namaste.
My Related Writings ...
- Words can Harm. Words can Heal.
- Words can Harm. Words can Heal. - Gossip
- The Four Agreements: Four simple agreements to transform your communication
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{"commentId":1474009,"authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
Digits,This article is Exellent! As well it needed to be posted.Rumors can totally destroy people if they are true or false,And yes the "Teacher" also said,"He who is perfect cast the first stone,"And they walked away one by one droping the stones that they held.Rumors are designed to hurt not help,Even here on the"vine"I have heard them about several people,Even about myself and the people that said them,I know who they are even when they think they are flying under the radar!You know what I'm saying.I know a man that works for a government agency,But has a rap sheet of offences just for cover because he does not want to be "questionable"around the people he has been investigating for the last some-odd years,And that was a form of protection for him and his family,Even the local police really don't know what he really does because he is a lot higher up the ladder and they are not entitled to his investigations as well.He lives in a small town not far from me and he and his family have been put threw "hell" by vicious rumors people have spread about him.If they only knew what an asset to his town and his country he really is they would tuck their tails between their legs and hide due to the fact of what they have put this family threw.Some people think they know what is true,Only in the end they were so wrong.It's sad Becuse this man can never come forward as it would breech his identity.Kudos to you Digits! Thanks,Mark. P.S. I have been a life long friend to this Intellagence Specialist and went to school with him since 6th. grade and one day he opened up to me,I think he was close to a break down and it was all started by "Rumors"! And he showed me his I.D. and Badge and much more proof of who he was and who he really worked for,It blew me away and at the same time,I felt so bad for him and his family too. Mark.
{"commentId":1474009,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
- 4 votes
#1 - Fri Feb 15, 2008 12:25 PM EST{"commentId":1475087,"authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":1474025,"authorDomain":"pixiequix"}
If I've learned anything from attending a US high school, it's that kids will say and believe anything about anyone. I was the target of gossip a great many times in my teenage years, probably many more times than I know of... Rumors are like rats in that every one you can see there are at least a dozen hiding elsewhere.
I think that it's important to not get involved with whatever people are saying, because dignifying gossip with responses or reactions only serves to feed the same monster. Instead, I'd try to take solace in the fact that worthwhile people won't usually believe gossip at face value, and that anyone who was actually interested in finding out the truth would most likely seek it out directly.
{"commentId":1474025,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"pixiequix"}
- 5 votes
#2 - Fri Feb 15, 2008 12:29 PM EST{"commentId":1474135,"authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
pixiequix,You are so right in what you just said,I totally agree with your words and I flashed for a moment on my grade school days,I was always getting beatup for no reason at all by kids I never hung out with and to this day I still don't know why they did it to me.I'm a white man and in grade school I had a good friend that was black and very over weight and I would help him carry his books home almost every day and they would pick on him so bad.Sad to say that they were all white kids that did it and maybe that is why they beat me up a lot,It's the only reason I honestly can think of for them to do it! Mark. This article of Digits should be clipped and posted all over the "Vine"! I remember how they would start "Rumors" about him all the time!
{"commentId":1474135,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
- 5 votes
#3 - Fri Feb 15, 2008 12:57 PM EST{"commentId":1475223,"authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":1475606,"authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
Digits,Right now I'm a man without words.Honest,I have been here just reflecting on everything I have said and everything that you said and I just started to wellup.I thank God that in my life and all I have done that I can say "Hey I Have a New Friend thats Real ,Just Like People with a Loving Heart are Supposte to Be",Her name is Digits! I'm Honestly Humbled .Thank You Friend,(((Hugs))) Love to you too Digits,Mark. :>)
{"commentId":1475606,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
- 3 votes
#4 - Fri Feb 15, 2008 5:45 PM EST{"commentId":1475734,"authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":1475735,"authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
Digits,I'm sorry I was besides myself and forgot to tell you a BIG THANK YOU,I have over 7 petitions that I have signed and I thank you so much for sending them my way,As well I have emailed them around the country to over 75 people that I know and many of them are friends that Bow Hunt for deer,They ALL say how Terrable a thing with the wolves,Even people that hunt think it's horriable wiyh what is going on.Oh,I shoot all animals with a camera,I DON'T hunt,But I respect my friends that do,They have helped me plant over 15,000 Red Pines on my land.I live in Cooperstown New York and I have over 500 acres in the foot hills that I made as a refuge for Wildlife,Its so wonderful there in the forest I find myself there most of the summer.So I'm ALL about protecting the forest I have trees in my forest that are over 250 years old! I have been in an area close to my forest andthere is a birch tree that is over 400 years old,10 of us could only go 2/3 around it I will show you a pic. sometime.Thanks So much Friend,From the Heart Mark, :>)
{"commentId":1475735,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
- 3 votes
#5 - Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:24 PM EST{"commentId":1476380,"authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":1476498,"authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":1477116,"authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
Digits,Good Morning to you and yes that is the right one that I was talking about,"Aerial Hunting Petition". As well I will send you other links too.Hey before I forget,Thanks for the visit on my column,I guess you can see that I'm all about the protection of animals,In fact that is why I joined "Newsvine" in the first place.We share the same intrests that's for certian!I will be on American Inventor this April 4th. in New York City,My Invention is geared to protect the SAR dogs,If they are doing Search And Rescue for us in TOXIC envrioments we MUST protect them to the best of our (HIGH-TECH) capability,And its not yet being done,But soon it will.Thanks #1 Your the Best,Mark (smile)! :>)
{"commentId":1477116,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
- 2 votes
#6 - Sat Feb 16, 2008 8:45 AM EST{"commentId":1478279,"authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":1639781,"authorDomain":"brendamayer"}
Hey Mark,
Congratulations on your invention! I'll be sure to watch as well.
{"commentId":1639781,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"brendamayer"}
- 1 vote
{"commentId":1639804,"authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":1480187,"authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
Digits, I will send you all information on the time and dates for American Inventor! OK! Thanks so much, #1, 4Real Friend, Mark (smile)! :>)
{"commentId":1480187,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"mrhomer4"}
- 2 votes
#7 - Sun Feb 17, 2008 12:19 PM EST{"commentId":1525332,"authorDomain":"ronco104"}
hello digits, i am deeply moved by your article. i just wish i had seen it earlier. you have put into words, thoughts i have had about this...scourge. this happens in every corner of the world and has caused untold harm since man began to communicate, i guess. i can just see our ancestors drawing 'gossip' on cave walls, hahaha. well, it ain't very funny, is it? i pray for every victim of this most human...disease.
i thank you so much, and may god bless you and all those that have commented here. you have my most sincere appreciation.
luv,
ron
{"commentId":1525332,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"ronco104"}
- 1 vote
#8 - Fri Feb 29, 2008 8:41 PM EST{"commentId":1525389,"authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":1526829,"authorDomain":"ronco104"}
thank you so much for your invitation, digits, i humbly accept. things are getting better..."getting better all the time"...luv and hugs to you too. i am deeply honored.
luv,
ron
{"commentId":1526829,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"ronco104"}
- 1 vote
#9 - Sat Mar 1, 2008 7:33 AM EST{"commentId":1526966,"authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":1528248,"authorDomain":"ronco104"}
i am truly fortunate to have lived this long without going through this sort of pain earlier. to have something like what you describe happen to you in high school must have been devastating. its hard to imagine kids being so cruel. we are so used to thinking of our kids as the salvation of mankind, forgetting that they are just as capable of being the anit-christ, all in the same day, hahaha. again, i don't mean to make light of your pain, or anyone else's, but i learned to use humor at a very early age. sometimes it was the difference between getting through it, and never being able to make the attempt.
being a product of the 60's and 70's, mind expanding drugs, along with beer, helped dull the sharp edges of life in this small town...i wound up making a pig of myself, in more ways than one. but god helped me get sober and stay that way for thirteen years, from 1982-1994. after staying drunk for ten or so years, i realized god was still there, it was me that got lost. now, a little over three years later, i feel better about myself, but there are times....
you are an inspiration to me and anyone who has stared the devil in the eye and made him (her) blink.
luv,
ron
{"commentId":1528248,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"ronco104"}
- 2 votes
#10 - Sat Mar 1, 2008 3:54 PM EST{"commentId":1528801,"authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":1529014,"authorDomain":"ronco104"}
we must stop meeting like this...what will people say, hahahah. and as i like to say, "change is good...thats what they say in rehab, anyway"!!! i wouldn't know what life would be like without pain, physical or otherwise. we learn from pain...if we are lucky, or strong.
sometimes i wonder if i'm in recovery or just in remission. remission seems to be more precise, if only for the fact that life itself is tenuous...sobriety even more so. that is why we have to be ever vigilant, always wary of things, and people, around us. i was caught off gaurd at a time in my life when things were in flux. i allowed someone to have to take control of me at a weak point in my life and it damn near killed me...or i damn near killed me . as i said, i am getting better, but damn, it has been one long, hard ride. i too have very low self-esteem. it is a daily challenge to just have the stength to keep things stable. but, god does take care of his own.
i would like to think that i have made a friend in you as well...are there reallty bunches of people out there? hahahaha, normally that would be enough to freak me out completely. have fun, be fun, luv.
luv,
ron
{"commentId":1529014,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"ronco104"}
#11 - Sat Mar 1, 2008 7:41 PM EST{"commentId":1552280,"authorDomain":"MightyMait"}
Great article Digits.
Gurudev says time and time again that we should find the *good* in others and tolerate their faults.
Regarding gossip, though, as an attention-junkie, I get a hit when people talk about me--whatever they are saying. Of course, I can relate to how hurt others can be by gossip.
{"commentId":1552280,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"MightyMait"}
- 2 votes
#12 - Fri Mar 7, 2008 3:12 PM EST{"commentId":1552962,"authorDomain":"digits"}
{"commentId":1633291,"authorDomain":"ronco104"}
digits, i am still feeling the ramifications from this episode. it has been really causing me to slip deeper into my depression. i am fighting the urge to get drunk fairly well, with god's loving help, but the feeling is still there. i would love to hear from you. if you could check out the private group, please.
luv,
ron
{"commentId":1633291,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"ronco104"}
- 2 votes
#13 - Sat Mar 29, 2008 8:26 AM EDT{"commentId":1639801,"authorDomain":"brendamayer"}
Ron,
I am so sorry you're having a hard time still. Please be sure and email me if you need to vent/unload.
*smooch*
{"commentId":1639801,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"brendamayer"}
{"commentId":1633376,"authorDomain":"digits"}
Ron, I checked the private group and responded. I also sent you a "Contact this author" message with the email address i check regularly.
{"commentId":1633376,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"digits"}
- 1 vote
#14 - Sat Mar 29, 2008 9:08 AM EDT{"commentId":1633382,"authorDomain":"digits"}
I also want to encourage you that as @!$%#ty as this feels it *will* pass. Naturally we want to escape when life gets effed up and particularly unfair. Do not feel dejected Ron. I care. Others care.
There are more of *us* who care than there are who would want to gossip and character assasinate you. [Remember that!]
Even if the reality feels contrary to that statement.
That IS a truth.
So you just hold on.
And contact me.
{"commentId":1633382,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"digits"}
- 3 votes
#15 - Sat Mar 29, 2008 9:10 AM EDT{"commentId":1635934,"authorDomain":"ronco104"}
you are truly one of god's own, digits. this artlicle is really a huge help, going back to it and re-reading it and the comments. i hope to re-visit it from time to time, and draw strength from it. this may be to most insightful article on the vine, and definitly the most important to those of us who have seen the beast's innards close-up and personal. again, my heartfelt thanks...this should be required reading for everyone.
luv everlasting,
ron
{"commentId":1635934,"threadId":"220143","contentId":"1303159","authorDomain":"ronco104"}
- 2 votes
#16 - Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:13 AM EDT{"canLink":false,"threadId":"220143","isPrivate":false}
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